I Don't Need A Coach To Help Me!

I became caught up in the excitement of deciding to train
as a coach and so went along with the recommendation I
should start working with a coach myself.  A minimum of 3
months was suggested and that was fine because I was
determined that I didn't need coaching anyway.  The 3
months would prove this to me and anyone else who claimed
that working with a coach would be beneficial.  When I'm
determined it's usually very difficult to move me because
I can be very head strong.  My life was perfect, so all we
would work on was my training as a coach and the building
of my coaching business. 

I realise now that it was my ego which prompted me to say I
didn't need coaching.  My ego was trying to protect me from
any change because your ego prefers the status quo.  I'd
already run a business and thought I knew all I needed to
know.  I used to feel it was all up to me and it was weak
to have other people help me.  I was the only one who could
do things and I would certainly never need help from anyone
else.  This was reinforced by the fact that people used to
turn to me for help, advice and an empathetic ear.  I was
strong, I didn't need coaching and 3 months of coaching
would prove this!  I obviously didn't know or appreciate
what coaching could offer me. 

A couple of weeks in and I changed dramatically in my
attitude towards coaching.  I'd found someone I could tell
everything to, literally.  My hopes, fears, dreams,
problems - the whole lot and I even dropped the image that
my life was perfect.  The first thing that made a
difference was that my coach didn't judge me.  She accepted
me as I was, even if there was much room for improvement. 
I'd found someone who truly heard what I was saying and I
felt, for the first time in my life, that I was understood
completely.  She saw my dreams as something to be valued
and she encouraged me to clarify them and move towards them. 
I was asked challenging questions, to think bigger, to be
clearer, and to consider other possibilities.  Because
coaching is a professional relationship, I was working with
someone who wasn't just going to say "yes" to me.  My coach,
knowing she had my best interests at heart, was challenging
me.  I relished this challenge, even the times when I didn't
really want to hear what she said.  She showed me the big
picture when I got bogged down in the detail.  She opened up
my thinking so I could see I was capable of more than I saw
for myself.  She encouraged me to truly be my best,
particularly when I was inclined to stop short of doing what
was possible for me. 

My ego would have been very happy to protect me from these
wonderful experiences.  I'd not previously experienced the
opportunity to work with someone who was on the same
playing field as me, open to sharing brainstorming ideas
and continually moving me forward.  Your ego protects you
from growing and being outside your comfort zone.  Your ego
tries to stop you doing something, whether through fear or
pretending you don't need to do it.  Your ego is useful when
it protects you from danger such as putting your hand in
fire.  Remember, your ego is extremely clever and powerful;
after all it's had a lot of practice!  It will keep trying
to find a way to stop you.  I feel that, quick as I am to
identify my ego getting in the way, it finds another means
of stopping me, which I don't realise at the time.  It
takes a while to realise this.  We've become so accustomed
to letting our ego rule our lives that we tend to see it as
normal, never questioning whether it's healthy for us. 

When your ego stops you being open to something new or
stepping out of your comfort zone, you need to clarify
whether it's healthy for you.  The first step is to be
aware of your ego kicking in.

My ego kicked in when I first started being coached.  I
didn't need 'help'; I could function quite well without it. 
To me having someone 'help' me suggested I wasn't capable,
I had something missing, or I was inferior.  I quickly
realised that a coach doesn't 'help' you.  A coach sees you
as a whole person who is capable of unbelievable things. 
They don't hold your hand like a child and they're normal
human beings who aren't perfect.  They act as a sounding
board, an objective observer.  They see things clearer than
you do because they step back and aren't caught up in your
daily routine.  You can take more responsibility when
encouraged by a coach. 

Coaching introduced me to so many things I'd not considered
before.  Instead of carrying on week by week, I had the
opportunity to stop and reflect, gather my thoughts, sort
out my priorities and focus for the coming week.  I didn't
want to ask for 'help' as I thought it was a sign of
weakness.  I could easily have missed the point that being
coached could draw on my strengths; being challenged,
enjoying collaboration and being in the middle of something
that was much bigger then me.  The dynamics of two people
working together are greater than the sum of the
individuals.

What is your ego stopping you from doing, which could be
extremely beneficial for you?  Write down what your mind
is saying, because seeing it in black and white allows you
to see more clearly. 

What I want for you is to be aware of when your ego is
getting in your way.


Wendy Hearn
Personal and Professional Coach

She works with business owners, professionals and executives to
discover and unlock their own inspiration, to effortlessly take
the actions required to have the success they desire.
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Copyright 2002, Wendy Hearn. All rights reserved.